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I've been in your shoes, and I chose to ignore my gut when my husband began his affair. The signs were there (texts/s to a female coworker, suddenly going out after work all the time, started exercising, etc.), but I thought he'd NEVER be the kind of guy to cheat. When I asked him about her, he assured me that nothing was going on and I was just being paranoid. Fast forward a couple months, and I found a naked pic of her on his computer. He confessed that he had been sleeping with her, and when I read some of their messages to one another, they were actually Lonely older women ready friendship swinger massage laughing at me for believing his initial lies. If you're finding sexually explicit to a real, live woman (not some porno chat room person), ALL of the signs are there. And if there are messages from all the way back in '09, it's clear that this has been going on for years. No normal husband sends things like that to another woman "just to get her attention." Why does he want her attention when he's got you?, he's blowing smoke up your ass and you're in denial. At some point you're going to have to it for what it is and make some decisions about your future. You already have all the proof you need, but if you need more to help pull you out of the fog, you should: 1. Install a keylogger on your home computer. e it. There's plenty out there and you don't have to be very tech savvy to install them. 2. Start watching your/his phone records and keeping close track. 3. Pick up a VAR and record what goes on when you're not at home. You can get a fairly cheap one at Target. 4. Find out everything you can about this woman. Is she married? If so, her hubby sure has a right to know. 5. don't come to this forum for help because you won't find it. I'd recommend. There are a lot of useful forums and info. there. I'm sorry. Good luck to you as you move forward with this nightmare.